Lies

“Think warm thoughts. Think warm thoughts. Think warm thoughts.” I still remember my offensive line coach in 9th grade, walking up and down the sidelines, chanting (screaming) at us. It was the end of the season and below freezing. And here was this man, a former Olympic bobsledder, coaching us, in his way, through a mantra to stay focused on the game and not on how cold we were. It’s not totally crazy when you think about it either. Our ability to convince ourselves of one thing when the opposite is objectively true, is astounding. It is an ability that when harnessed properly, can propel us to amazing accomplishment. It is also an ability that has the power to cripple us. We can convince ourselves that anything is normal, normalizing amounts of pain that would incapacitate someone else. We can so thoroughly lie to ourselves that we believe it and fall into a state of complacency and fear.

“I generally don’t like people and would rather just stay home.” That one that holds a special place for me. It became a joke when my SO and I first got together: “When you don’t generally like people and would rather just stay home, it’s really hard to find someone else who doesn’t generally like people and would rather just stay home.” It was something that I said, on repeat, for years before her and I found each other. I wore it like a badge of honor. I told myself I was an introvert. I wasn’t a leader. I didn’t like to be around people. And what’s worse, I truly believed it. To my core, I believed that I was better off on my own than I was with others. I didn’t need friends, I was fine alone. It wasn’t until I made the effort to find people I clicked with that I realized how big of a lie that really was. I didn’t realize how lonely and isolated I had made myself, believing that lie I told myself.

“Oh, I’m not creative, I don’t have anything to offer there.” That is another one that played on a loop in my head. It’s also one of the most common lies that I hear other people tell themselves. Depending on what you were exposed to as a child, “creativity” can mean any number of things. Musically talented (playing instruments or writing music and lyrics) is one example. The ability to draw or paint. An eye for photography, being able to see an angle that few others can. A vivid imagination that translates to written word in the form of poetry or prose or the next great novel. Creativity is so often relegated to the arts, and if you are more inclined to science or mathematics or working with your hands, then you are labeled as not creative. And when that narrative is internalized, repeated so often that you start to believe it, all you’re doing is denying yourself your innate gifts and talents. By telling myself that I wasn’t creative, I was shutting myself off to a form of self-expression that set me free, writing. 

Downplaying an accomplishment. Lying to ourselves about what’s really important so we don’t rock the boat. Allowing someone else’s beliefs or perspective to take root and overshadow our own. Putting a mask on so that we appear more “acceptable.” They’re all lies. They that start from within and end up keeping our authentic selves chained down. Words have power. We’ve all felt that crushing blow of an insult or criticism. We’ve all had our foundation rocked by someone else’s harsh words directed towards us. Yet we continue to lie to ourselves. And we wonder why we feel so sad or lonely or depressed or anxious or frustrated or misunderstood. 

All of these lies are based in how we feel we are perceived by others. Trying to mask our authentic selves out of some fear that we won’t be accepted. Minimizing our strengths because they aren’t “cool” or “trendy” or “unique.” In truth, the people whose judgement we fear in those instances, are not the people we should be surrounding ourselves in the first place. It’s only when we stop lying to ourselves and embrace who we really are that we start to truly live and thrive. But also, if you’re standing outside in the snow waiting on your dog, feel free to close your eyes and convince yourself that you’re on a beach in the sunshine.